Thursday, August 13, 2009

Anger - a strong feeling of displeasure and belligerence aroused by a wrong.

I set this little blog up long ago and decided not to publish because I really didn't think anyone would care to read about the silly rantings of a lathered up, broken-hearted, overwhelmed Puerto Rican. Well, if I don't release some of this it could be one of YOU that will unwittingly come into harms way on the day I finally snap. So here goes. My attempt to unload...and NOT see the inside of a women's prison. (They wouldn't let me take my Jimmy Choos and frankly, that is reason ENOUGH to stay the fuck out of there!)

Welcome to the world of unbridled anger. As the definition states, anger is usually the outcome of being wronged. I'd be a boldfaced liar if I didn't state early on and clearly that a LARGE part of my current foul temperament comes at the hands of being on the shitty end of a break-up. Not some "It's not working between us" break up. One of those break-ups that makes positively ZERO sense. Till the LAST day, I was the most amazing, beautiful, fantastic woman ever. I am not delusional folks. This was a 4+ year relationship that was for all intents and purposes, the stuff that you read about. I had the best friend AND the lover.

When he moved, it was with my full support. I was wronged only in that I wasn't given ANY clue of how it would all go down when he stepped one foot out of the state line. Promises were made, and very quickly forgotten. Feelings were very quickly tamped down and even more quickly, simply forgotten. You know that saying - "If you love someone, set them free" and all that good stuff? I call BULLSHIT. If you love someone and they love you, why in the fuck should you let them go???? I did that, and lemme tell ya. It didn't work the way they'd have you believe! Now I know that SOMEONE is going to say, "well then you weren't meant to be. " Save it. This isn't an open forum. I don't want to hear it. This is my space to have the opinions. (I kid, I kid...sort of....) The REAL expression to keep in mind is "Out of sight - Out of mind."

I will never get why people do the shit they do to one another. Poll a room and almost everyone will say they are looking for basically the same things. Honesty. Love. Respect. Morals. Physical attraction. Then why I ask you, do people walk away from each other? Lie to one another? Cheat? I mean damn! This isn't difficult stuff. If I get involved with someone, I can usually figure out pretty quickly if there is potential for something good to come of it. If not, onward and forward. I don't want a place holder. I want the "real" thing. I thought I already had it, but clearly I was wrong.

Back into the mix I go. Unwillingly, I'll admit. Very skittish. Hoping for the best just the same. I deserve it. No matter how battered and bruised I came out of this last one, I know my worth. That comes from me. So upon his exit, he may have made off with my heart, but he won't take that from me. I may stumble, but I won't stay down for long.

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